My two-year-old is easily the funniest person I know. She has absolutely no time for your BS, and has no qualms in letting you know that. When asked how she felt about her uncle James (who she sees and plays with regularly), she stared me dead in the eye and said ‘I just don’t like her’.
Alongside her dry and very blunt personality, we’ve noticed some other quirks. My gut is telling me that there’s probably a little more to her idiosyncrasies than just an interesting personality, but that’s a story and a doctor’s appointment for another time.
One of the most frustrating is what she does during her sleep.
She moves her head from side to side on her pillow, as if there’s a different type of biscuit on either end and she can’t decide which one she wants first.
While it doesn’t hurt her to do this, it does hurt me.
Her once, soft, beautiful, strawberry blonde curls are now a tangled, matted bird’s nest that may or may not be housing a muesli bar and a plover.
I tried covering it in conditioner, separating each tangle by hand, but the results were mediocre at best. There was some improvement, but she still looked like she’d been moshing at a Wiggle’s concert with a balloon on her head.
Overcome with frustration and despair, I did the unthinkable; I cut through her tangles with scissors.
I know, I know, there must have been another way. NOW, I know there is, the plant-based hair detangler and brush from No Nasties, but back then I was uneducated. If the detangling spray were a master’s degree, I was a high school dropout who still hadn’t figured out how to tie shoelaces.
The worst part, perhaps, was that she would not sit still. I had to keep flicking snacks at her and lying about how pretty her hair was looking.
Towards the end, I honestly can’t say what came over me. Maybe I was having a stroke, or maybe all the cheese based products I’ve consumed finally caught up and restricted blood flow to my brain.
Regardless, I did…. A bad thing.
I cut her a fringe.
In her defence, she is an absolutely stunning child with the longest, thickest, darkest lashes I’ve ever seen.
But now, when I look at her, all I can see is this guinea pig:
Thank goodness it’ll grow back. And for next time? I’ll just stick to the detangling spray and brush!