Years ago, we had my daughter’s birthday party at one of those children’s ‘day spa’ type places. You know the ones where you pay out your backside, but you don’t have to do anything?
Your daughter and her guests get to do face masks, have their nails painted, hair braided, etc. It’s meant to be all very swanky and a far cry from the backyard hose parties you had as a child. Nobody swears and they have lolly buffets instead of burnt sausage rolls and mangled fairy bread.
In my mind, it would be a day of magic. My girl would feel like a princess, of course, and I wouldn't have to do a damn thing, other than hand my Visa card over at the end and go home.
Do you remember that time your friend bought her wedding dress online from overseas? Then it arrived and made her look like
a gnome with a cameltoe, because it was basically nothing like the photos on the website?
That’s sort of what happened here.
I don’t know WHERE they took their marketing photos, but it sure as hell wasn’t at their actual party venue. If they had, nobody would ever go there. Not many little girls are asking for a ‘downstairs broom closet’ party theme. They even got to lay down on the disgusting floor for 7 seconds with roughly chopped, chunky cucumber on their eyes. Dream achieved.
I did learn something new though. I didn’t realise that a ‘chocolate face mask’ could by done by just smearing microwaved chocolate on your face with a plastic knife. What’s weird is that the girls didn’t really seem to like that a whole lot, and kept saying annoying things like ‘Mum this is sticky’ and ‘Why are we doing this?’. Lol kids. So unpredictable.
Perhaps my favourite part has been trying to convince the loose, craft glitter to leave my daughter’s scalp. I stupidly thought that when they said ‘hair glitter’ they meant glitter hair spray. Apparently, a shake of craft glitter straight onto the scalp is what’s best. I mean, it has been 4 months and it’s still there. I didn’t realise that longevity was the goal.
As the day progressed, I tried so hard to keep a poker face during the party. By the end, I’m pretty sure I had the expression of someone who’s sniffing poop on their top lip.
All in all, it was a bit of a disaster. Luckily this child of mind just took it all in her stride and was grateful for what I’d tried to do for her.
The good news is, she has a younger sister who has a birthday coming up. She initially requested the same type of party, but I shut that down faster than the cops shut down a house party during COVID lockdown.
This time, I’m doing it myself and it WILL be amazing.
non-toxic, gentle kid’s makeup
water based nail polish
Plant based detangling spray for hair
Bio-degradable tail comb for perfect braids
Ultra-gentle 2 in 1 exfo face mask
The take home lolly bags will have nail stickers, a cardboard play mirror, a colour-me-in chocolate lip balm, and some all-
natural, vegetable ink, temporary tattoos.
The best part?
Nobody will lay down on a dungeon floor.